sHoPpInG sPrEe-nOt aCtUaLLy!!

Typical weekend in the life of a teenager usually includes movies and mall hopping..one to another and then to another. Since my life had become quite boring due to long college breaks and practically no work to do. I decided to relive the teenage life..which I am not over with yet..m still 8-teen. :)


Most of the Friday night was spent reminding my sister to buy tickets for Hangover II which she gladly obliged.Since I am a total control freak..and do not wish to miss movie beginnings..even the part where they inform about the fire exits..and especially planning next movie outing by watching the movie trailors..so a constant reminder needed to be put forth for no delays..gladly there were none :)


Though the movie was a little(read very) vulgar in parts..but who cares..it was hilarious!! Zach Galifianakis  does a stupendous job acting like a total nutter :) and watching Ed Helms makes you pity the guy!! and it totally lived up to the first movie's hype..which reminds me..HANGOVER PART 1 was actually my first adult movie in a movie theater..I was barely 16 I guess :) 


The movie was followed by a relaxing window shopping spree..catching up with the latest trends..criticizing the OTT fashion statements..
What if that was all there was to life..Clothes and Accessories!! :)
Piles and piles of clothes to chose from...shelves of accessories..!! How much more exciting could it get!!
You would never have the be thrifty..because you never wanted to be in the first place!!


I'm no compulsive shopper..but what if you were..with no credit card bills to care about and no debts to clear..!!! The world would have been one happy family-well no actually!!-I can still imagine girls fighting over that one simply mesmerizing piece of cashmere scarf..obviously with no "money" to decide who the owner would be.


This brings me to the job I think would suit me the best-Personal Shopper :) Deciding what would best suit your clients keeping in mind their taste and occasion is a simply mind blowing job opportunity..especially if it keeps you near a brand new untouched  pair of Chanel boots or a pristine Jimmy Choo which would go with your Gucci sheath dress :)


It actually is a trend that is largely picking up due to its ever growing market in India. All luxury brands are first to jump to the bandwagon by hiring personal shoppers..


Even though its a little out of budget.. but it did not kill you to try that amazing cocktail dress at Burberry and imagine the level of ecstasy a girl goes through after putting on her first pair of Chanels :) and the Dior glasses to go with it 


After all as Rebbecca Bloomwood has rightly said: 


"You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better. "


AND 


"When I shop the world gets better, the world is better; and then it's not anymore and I have to do it again."

After all there are somethings guys don't understand!!!! :)

mAiD mAnIa!! :)

A typical housewife on phone to her dearest friend :

"yaarrr kya batau....ye Sheila ne to meri jaan khaa li hai.."

"kyunn kyaa huaa??.. "

"arrre mahine me 1 hafta to har mahine beemar rehti hai.. "

"haan tune bataya..tha...mera bhi kuch aisa hi haal hai...kal hi Munni ko kaam se nikala hai...sunti hi nhi thi...zara sa tok do to ulta jawaab deti thi...tera pass kum se kum Sheila to hai...mera soch..abhi abhi bartan saaf krke aayi hoon..parso hi manicure pedicure krwaya tha...sab bekar ho gyaa..."

"haaawww...yaar...main soch rahi hoon..main bhi Sheila ko kaam se nikal du..par agency wale itni jaldi koi replacement denge bhi nhi..aur upar se inka commission kitna badh gya haiii"

These are no ordinary Sheila's and Munni's..they are the shining beacon of hope for thousands of housewives who are too busy to get their perfectly manicured hands dirty in cleaning the dishes...and just imagine what  would happen to the recently rebonded and conditioned hair in all the smoke inside the kitchen..even though the kitchen is thoroughly equipped with the latest electric chimneys.

They are no less demanding than the Sheila's onscreen.. (refer to the line..."tere haath kabhi na aani") and their nakras are something you just can't ignore..(refer to the line..."haye tu na jane..mere nakhre pe laakhon rupaiyaa udda")

Hard to come by..and even harder to please..and have somewhat become a status symbol of sorts..

"uski naukrani meri wali se achi kaise..huh!! "

"haaiiyyee..lucky you...maids with decent manners are hard to come by..meri wali..finds every moment to crib about her wages"

And yes...these maids are prized possessions not only because they provide your manicured hands some "not-requied" rest..but also help you keep up with the happenings of the society..after all how can you expect a housewife's daily routine to be complete without the latest gossip about the 4th floor wala Mrs.Gupta  and the 9th floor Socialite Mrs. Saxena..

All residents envy the 3rd floor Mrs Sharma..because of her "hardworking-well mannered-well spoken MAID" and Mrs Sharma leaves no stone unturned to flaunt her to the outside world..like she is her crowing glory.. :)

Cashing in on the fairly recent phenomenon are the Servant Providing Agencies. People have to pay through their nose to get their hands on a decent servant..not to forget pay heavy commissions to the agencies..and take proper care of the servants..(or wasn't it suppose to be the other way around).Categorizing people on the basis of "Untrained" "Semi Trained" and "Fully Trained" is a funny concept.

Also is the news doing the rounds about the ill treatment of the servants at the hands of  their owners.Just for people to remember..they might be cleaning your house, cooking your food and washing your clothes..all activities which you are easily competent enough to do...gives you no right to exploit them.

JUST A THOUGHT!! :)

LiFt-Y mAtTeRs!!

Now, we all spend a considerable time in our life using the LIFT...going up floors for those of us who hate climbing the stairs...and some of us on rigorous diets..do cheat occasionally by using the lift...instead of climbing the stairs..then we have the lazy people(read i me myself) who make no efforts whatsoever in climbing stairs even if its just a floor that they have to climb..lifts, my friend!!... are invented to use...so i would appreciate if people did not give me that look!!.(even though it reads- for "old and disabled people"...dude!! m tired!!)...so there is a huge variety of people who utilize the luxury of the lift....and I've tried to group them..i don't really know how successfully but I've given it a go.




I) THE OPERATOR:
Now he usually is the person given the task of handling the lift..the first question that usually comes out of his mouth is "Which floor?"
I don't really know how much of English he is familiar with...but this is the one question he will always ask..taking his job very seriously!!
Also he is usually given a chair to sit on...and gets really angry when somebody presses the floor button himself/herself....he'll eye you suspiciously as if the amount of germs you seem to have left behind on  his pure and pristine lift buttons is unbearable..and yes...you could very well be after his job..showing his incompetence!!


II) THE MOBILE MAN:
"Arre..haan maine baat ki thi..but wo keh rhe the ki apna resume forward kr do..." 
"....7th floor.."
"Haan ....haaann.....kyaaa...thodaa tezz bolo....arrre main liftt me hoon........kyaaaaaa....haaaaannn.......kyaaaaa...lifttt..liiiftttt....."
"Oh gaawwdd ..is lift me to kabhi bhi network nhiiii aataa.."


I don't expect Abhishek Bachchan to come out of nowhere and ask THE MOBILE MAN to GET IDEA!!!!
I am not advertising for idea....I think Abhishek Bachchan and the conceptualization of the Idea ads is crap..but that is besides the point...
THE MOBILE MAN will always want to call up someone on his phone when he is in the lift...very well aware of the fact that neither IDEA AIRTEL VODAFONE ...nobody has good enough network in the lift!!!


III) THE SCANNER:
Now I have divided them into males and females...
Males will usually scout for hot chicks...checking out their vital stats...and thinking all sorts of crap in the head..!!! Now-a-days we do have males checking out males for the same reason....they will look from clothes ..to the phone...to the bag...to the laptop... trying to figure out...status..."married...unhappy...desperate"..."single..ready to mingle.." "paid-to-be-nice receptionist kind"


Then we have the females...checking out males..."good-looking..." "gay-like" "sincere" "mama's boy"
but females usually check of females....specially for clothes...."fake-louis vuitton...huh!! atleast she could've managed a better copy"..."oh dear!! such loud makeup....what is she training for...the circus!!! "


IV) THE PERFUME GUY/GIRL:
They will enter the lift....and from that moment..you will pray to God...to give you back your cold and cough..which took a month to get over..
The aura around them is such...that you just wish you never had a nose!!!!
The unbearably strong perfume..as if he/she spends a fortune on the the deodorant (good for the manufacturers though!!) everyday emptying a bottle...is too much to handle.!!


V) THE STARE MASTER:
He/she will look at anything and everything in the lift..the people..the fan..the buttons...the operator...he/she looks at people as if they are something to eat (i nicked that line from..twilight!!....no copyright violation I guess!!!!!)
They usually make the person around them a little conscious of their own appearance..hair.. make up!!
He will keep staring at a certain point...little things like fan ...lift authorization certificate.. intrigues him/her...which is weird...if  you are at the receiving end of the STARE!!!! BEWARE!!!


VI) THE PEEPER: 
Whatever you do on your phone...i-pod..more recently the i-pad...he will want to know and have a peep at everything..
even if its a personal message that you are sending or receiving...he will read it at a bullets speed...and try and assess your situation...personally I hate peepers!!!! I think they should get a life..as it is so annoying!!!




I guess I have broadly tried to group the various kinds of people you meet in the lift...but I'm sure there are many more interesting sights we get to see in the lift..and the list will only grow longer..!!! :) :)


JUST A THOUGHT!! :)

cOnTeMpLaTiOnS oF aN oLd MaN!!!

A farmer seldom loses sight of his fields..he caresses his crops...treats it like a child..because he has put his heart and soul into it...
All his hopes and prayers are for his crops...for d season to go well..the Rain Gods to have mercy....the land to yield him his bread and butter...
But today his mind is contemplating something...he is busy watching his youngest daughter, Asha who is swaying in the wind on her swing...the swing..both of them had together put up under her favourite Jamun tree..


"Bapu...main is jhoole se seedha aasman me udd jaungi..maa se milkar aaungi"

and I used to laugh and cry...

 "Tu udd jayegi to mera dhyan kaun rakhega??"


I used to laugh at her innocence...and I used to cry at my fate!! Things just fall into place...the good and the bad..!!

I had two sons and two daughters...all of whom I loved dearly...my biggest regret...was that i could not let my daughters go to school...I still remember..Kavita asking me..

"Bapu...Kishan aur Dheeraj bhaiya to master ji ke pass padhne jate hai..main kyun nahi!!! mujhe bhi padhna hai..!!"


I slapped her once when she did not stop asking me about school...I still regret the day..how was I suppose to tell her...that she was not suppose to study...she had to remain confined in the four walls of the house doing household chores...that had to be her life!!

And that is what actually happened in the end....Kavita is married to Rakesh..who works as an electrician in Sahibabad.


 Asha was always very sharp and inquisitive..she tried to grasp as much as she could from whatever little old tattered books she could grab hold of...I never stopped her..but I knew whatever she was doing had to be futile!!

I still cant bring myself to terms with the reality...what would she think of me when she grew up..she was bound to hate me..after all that I was going to make her go through...I had never imagined that...

I have lost sight of my fields not because I don't love them..but because they are not mine....!!!! My sons left the village to study in the city...but since then have not returned..the only time I heard about them was from the Mukhiya's son...who told me about their drug addiction....the zamindar has seized my only assest..my land..the land I put my heart and soul in...my only remembrance of the good times...that they were real...!!

"Bapu..shehar me to kitna kuch hoga na....meri saheli bata rahi thi ki waha bohot bade bade ghar hote hai...par mujhe gaon ki yaad ayegi...main Ajeet bhaiya ke saath kyun ja rahi hoon...aap kyun nahi chal rahe...aap kab aaoge???"


Ajeet is the zamindar's son..and also the owner of a Kotha in Bombay...he fancied Asha for a long time...I always kept her protected from the evil eyes of Ajeet...but here is when I lose...
I know how Asha will remember me...The Father Who Could Not Save His Daughter..

I wave back to Asha as she boards the train to Bombay...with a promise that I will join her soon!! A promise I will never be able to fulfill..!!!!